Monday, April 28, 2008 - 15:10
I really need advice...
i'm struggling with something and i asked a few people what i should do but i'm still stuck so any advice is welcomed..ok here goes..i was told a secret by someone who really trust me and she says i'm the only one she has that she can trust...apparently this young girl is having sex and she needed to talk about it with me..she just turned 14 over the weekend and the boy is 16 AND his mother knows and is down or whatever with it...now she told me a couple other things that were VERY graphic and i wanted to die sitting there listening to her...she looked like such a baby just sitting there telling me everything and i mean EVERYTHING ...now i feel put on the spot..me and her mom are super tight and had been since childhood , like family....now that her child has trusted me with this info do i tell her? do i keep it to myself? i don't know what to do...of course i talked to the young lady bout the dangers of having sex ,that even though a baby at her age is bad it's not the worst thing that could happen, AIDS is...i made her promise to use protection but will she listen?..i told her that she needs to stop and she said that she will but come on, i'm not an idiot..she's gonna say what she thinks i want to hear...if i tell i loose her trust and then she'll never come to me for anything ...there may come a time when her needing me could save her life..but then if i don't tell her mom and something happens i'll feel responsible...then if her mom finds out and she found out i knew and said nothing then i'm just as bad right?..i'm lost y'all, please help...
Replies for this Forum Topic
thank you atleast I'm not alone on that one, Parents are kept in the dark too often and I've seen a lot of bad things happen becasue of it.
--
"Let no man pull you low enough to hate him."
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
for "The quality, not the longevity of ones life is what is important."
---Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.---
yea you should encourage the gurl to talk to her mother by all means!! I've seen to many secrets kept from mothers and it's not right!! not right at all!!!! so get her to talk to her mother bcuz her mother deserves to know what's goin on with her!!
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baby baby from beginnin to end
Good Luck honey, I'll be praying for you guys.
--
"Let no man pull you low enough to hate him."
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
for "The quality, not the longevity of ones life is what is important."
---Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.---
thanks you guys..i'm gonna do it this weekend..i'm gonna get her and her mom over my house away from her crazy father...and get her and her mom talking...let her maybe stay the week with me as her mom tells her dad...(sighing) i'm not looking forward to this convo you guys :( but i love this kid so i gotta do this i guess..wish her luck cause i can bet money that her mom is gonna try to beat her ass...
--
"But it's only fair
That I let you know that
The man you're in love with
He;s mine
From the top of his head
To the bottom of his feet
The bed he sleeps in and
Every piece of food he eats"
..Shirley Brown....
While your encouraging her to talk to her mother encourage your friend to be a little more open about things so that her daughter can feel like she can tell her anything without thinking she's gonna get her butt whipped.
--
"Let no man pull you low enough to hate him."
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
for "The quality, not the longevity of ones life is what is important."
---Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.---
Yeah, I would encourage her to speak with her mother about it. And if it helps, that you'd be willing to be there to start off, or be apart of, that conversation.
I think momentarily going against her wishes overrides the possibility of her permanently damaging her health/life.
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Currently Listening To: Spirit by Leona Lewis
Only a month of school left!!! Wee-hoo!
I've read everyone's comments and some of them I agree with but if I was this child's parent and Kerry you were my friend I'd want you to tell me. I'd rather hear it from my child but in this case I'd want to know but as a parent I would have to think, what kind of a relationship do I have with my child if she feels she can't come and tell me things? That's not a relationship I'd want to have with my daughter.... so my advice is.... the desions is yours, you have to make the choice and then be able to live with the choice you make. We can give advice all day but everyone's expericens are different, all I can say is just pray about it and let God take care of the rest.
Encourage your her to talk to her mother.
--
"Let no man pull you low enough to hate him."
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
for "The quality, not the longevity of ones life is what is important."
---Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.---
i think you can only hope and pray
and continue to encourage her and try to give her that respect anyway
you might even suggest that she speaks to her mom about
but 14 ? she's too young
my sister is 16 and she keeps talking about her friends are dating
and and she isnt
recently that's all she talks about
i try to be cool with her b/c my mom didnt know how to do that with me
but there are times where i threaten her and pray that she listens
beating helps but not with every child, i dont do spankings but she knows if it came down to it i would
its hard my sister is doing things that i was never even able to bring up at home
alot of people try to be friends with their children and that's great but i think you have to be a parent first and then create that two way relationship
some of my friends tell me that they let their kids do whatever b/c they werent allowed to and i think that's just stupid
I know the feeling. Believe me I do. You just have to be brutally honest with her about life and men. And let her know its not cute putting all your toppings on the sundae. I'm telling you if she trust you then that means she looks up to you. So just be a positive role model to her and be nothing but real, don't sugar coat anything!
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"Life is best lived Giving Love and Sharing responsibility"
~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3
:::Listening 2::::Terry Ellis ~ "Wherever you are":::::
thanks Nita..i reallyyyyyyy wanted to kick her ass...i had to sit there and listen to her talk about stuff that i didn't do till i was grown AND in a commited relationship...i haven't slept ,my head hurts and my blood sugar feels off...i'm a mess...i love this kid so much and i just wanna do right by her...
--
"But it's only fair
That I let you know that
The man you're in love with
He;s mine
From the top of his head
To the bottom of his feet
The bed he sleeps in and
Every piece of food he eats"
..Shirley Brown....
Kerry I wouldn't tell her mother I would just try my best to convince her to slow it down. I mean she's 14 she is a baby. I was scared of penis at that age! I've been there before with my "sisters" I sat them down and talked to them...no lectures just simple girl talk as much as I could, as often as I could. I showed them graphic pics of STD's. I told them stories from my past experiences, I explained to them about how guys REALLY think. I even had some of my male friends talk to them, all those things really helped. And when push came to shove girl...I BEAT THAT ASS I BEAT THAT ASS!!!! I told them if they don't calm they fast asses down they were gonna need a new set of fronts. And i told them to stay away from thier fast ass friends and nasty ass boys!
And that seemed to work, now that they're 18 they are responsible young women working and going to school. (smile)
--
"Life is best lived Giving Love and Sharing responsibility"
~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3
:::Listening 2::::Terry Ellis ~ "Wherever you are":::::