Thursday, May 8, 2008 - 00:52
(moaning) i need advise AGAIN y'all....(it's long ,sorry)
OK i took my son out to dinner tonight and while we were out this happened..(sighing)..i was minding my own business when halfway into my meal i see this couple walk in, a guy with a VERY young and VERY pregnant girl on his arm..now at first i pay it no mind but then i kept getting the feeling that i knew this guy..i ignored it for all of 20 seconds until it dawned on me who he was..my very good friend's new husband..it took a min to remember him cause I'd only met him twice in passing...i didn't go to the wedding cause it was one of those "oh guess what girl i got married over the weekend "kinda things..me and this girl have known each other for years and i met her through my son's godfather (.she's his kids mom)..me and her clicked from way back and i became both her kids godmother...now our kids spend a lot of time together and she calls me their auntie...since being married to this guy i haven't seen her as much but we still talk and the last time we talked was about 3 weeks ago..now last time we spoke i asked her how's her husband doing and she said everything was fine except she had just had a miscarriage a few weeks early but they OK..sad but OK...now fast forward 3 weeks later and here he is with some 18 year old girl that looks about 8 months pregnant...so now after i remember him i go up to the salad bar and he's a little to my left and i pretend to do a double take..i'm like "Hey you look so familiar..wait aren't you -------husband?"..he pauses and starts to blink hard..he then starts to stutter.."uh huh"..i'm like "remember me? i'm such and such godmother/aunt"...by this time he looks shook...he nods but doesn't really talk..so i go back to my seat like" oh s*** oh s*** oh s***"..i hear them talking in the booth next to me and this little girl is loud , talking bout their baby and how happy and excited she was blah blah blah..so now it's confirmed that it's his....she leaves the table then he comes over to my table and sits his scared ass down..THEN this punk starts to CRY..i'm like ARE YOU SERIOUS?!?..i looked over at my child next to me eating fruit and then i calmly told that punk ass of a man not to do that crap in front of my child..i sent him to get ice cream then my friends husband starts crying again talking bout "please don't tell my wife and break up my family...just give me time and I'll tell her"..this man is sitting in front of me still crying now when my child comes back to the table but then he leaves when he sees my pissed look..hey i can take anything other than ANYONE disrupting my child..he goes back over to his table dry eyed by the time he gets there...now a little while later he starts to leave and as he's leaving i say" hey don't forget to tell such and such i said hi"...you know he had the nerve to turn around and say" oh i will..so when was the last time you talked to her?"..with his little pregnant friend right there...i cut that conversation short when i saw that he had no fear of talking bout his wife in front of her....PUNK ASS....guyssssss what do i do??? ..tell? ..don't tell? pleaseeeeeeeeeeee help!!!
Replies for this Forum Topic
Thank you anewlevel, now wat u just said makes sense we just want u 2 talk with us and not at us.
------------------------------------------
"Let no man pull you low enough to hate him."
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
For "The quality, not the longevity of ones life is what is important."
---Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.---
I'm not angry, but I can say this much, if the guy in question were to read what mario4rory thinks about him, what some of you commented and put if beside what I wrote he wouldn't be LISTENING, he'd be LAUGHING along with a host of other young men who choose to follow the grind and shine motto as some one put it.
Why shouldn't he have fun with his 18 year old harlot if that is the mode. No one who has a light regard for sex can automatically shut it off. Mind you, I'm not saying the offending gentlemen will LEAVE his wife, oh no! He's hoping she'll be gullible enough to keep him. I feel sorry for her and him for falling into the free sex trap.
You know what? I don't hate you guys, I think freedom of speech is good and I am glad you are honest enough to say how you really feel. You know what else? ALL of us have fallen prey to that 'naughty' groove side one way or the other. Can society's young men and women help it if they are taught to be promiscuous? It has harmful social, emotional and spiritual side effects. Like I said, you don't know unless some one tells you. Lets hope the good advice given it taken!
--
ANewLevel
Lol at Miss E cause im like u im not sure if she is giving advise or being judgemental, was she talking with u guys or at u? Anyway Kerry all i can offer u is, some get mad at u 4 telling them while others will appreciate it, as 4 the comment men are following the trend that is bull everyone has a choice n 4 anyone to say they following a trend is a cop out, they need 2 man up and admit they are not ready 2 be committed plain and simple.
*******
--"Let no man pull you low enough to hate him."
"Our lives begin to end the day we become silent about things that matter."
For "The quality, not the longevity of ones life is what is important."
---Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.---
Hmmm. Takes a deep breath. Exhales. Whoosai. SMDH. I guess I'll just return when someone else can explain what the hell this (below) is.
--
Listenin' to "Circle" by Marques Houston and lovin' it!
"DON'T DO WHAT I DO, DO AS I SAY!"
I cant believe these comment are coming out of the same mouths that ridiculed what I wrote. Folks, this guy is simply practicing what you guys are preaching. So what’s the big deal?
Did you honestly think that men have green and red light switches in their brain that say on (Go) to premarital sex with a few women as long as they are “Responsible” and off (Stop) when they get married? If you are naïve enough to believe that then that is why many of you fall hard into that dream trap!
Talk about Holier-Than-Thou! I’m a Christian and I can’t even fall for that hypocritical, two faced advice some of you are handing out. And you are contradicting yourself ON THE SAME SITE! Do you have any idea what you sound like? I’ll tell you! You sound liked jammed up society that tells teens abstinence is the best policy and sex is too heavy a responsibility for them to take on, then the SAME society will turn around and tell these people when they are 18-21, Look! Here are some good sex tips! In the Bahama, we call it “Don’t Do What I Do: Do What I Say!“
Just incase no one notified you people, the same A.I.D.S. virus is out there to people of any age!
I’m very sorry the young lady got involved with that immature guy, but, like I said, he is just following the trend set out for him by friends, older people, society, etc. You should tell her what is going on A.S.A.P. I told my mother and sister about it and we will pray that she has the strength to do what is right!
Virgin, or no virgin, if people sleep around so much that they have no spiritual depth, then they will become a sexual clown! No one will take them seriously! NO WOMAN wants a man who she can’t feel. If I had friends like that (as I mentioned before) I would hand them over to God, pray that HE allows them to see the light, then get on with my life.
I’m not perfect, but if I see a punch coming from a mile off, I’d like to recognize who the fist belongs to and dodge, or hit back! Isn’t it only fair that I warn people about impending trouble? Or maybe I should just be like those vipers who say, “Go ahead! It’s alright.” Then when the person gets in the trap the vipers say, “Now you’re a part of the club!” Misery enjoys company!
--
ANewLevel
I agree with Nita, I'm all for telling her. If she was my friend, I would start off the way bbeauzile suggested, then if she start to act like she dont understand what the hell am saying, I tell her to sit her ass down, shut the hell up and listen up, this is how it is, she can pretend she never heard it, I'm only telling her cos she's a friend and I hate for anyone to be played as the fool.
If she decides to end the friendship, then let her, I dont like friendships where i find myself as the dumping ground for everyones drama. I found myself in that position so many times and I hate it. 100% of the time, the friendship ends, but hey, if the friendship ends over a man and I know am right in what I said, then am happy for it to end.
Listenin' to "Cant Help But Wait" Trey Songz
I know I'm kinda late but....Kerry listen you gotta tell her. Be straight up, not harsh but real. You gotta make her see that she's worth more than her situation. If she gets upset with you and cuts you off then she was never a real friend to begin with. I've had all my girls back from day one I don't play that. I understand were your coming from but she needs to know, if she doesn't already. Just sit her down and tell he that your concerned and that your there for her. She should understand. Or you can take plan B. Get with his ass and tell him if you don't be a man and say something by this "x" amount of time, then i'm gonna put yo trif ass on blast!
--
"Life is best lived Giving Love and Sharing responsibility"
~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3~~~~<3
:::Listening 2:::Mario ~ "Music for Love":::::
girl don't i know it..i just hope they give me a min before they have any more drama..lol..my poor head can't take no more of their secrets right now (sighing)..
--
"If you really, really want it
(If you really want it baby)
All you go to do is get up on it"
....Kut Klose....
Hey, Kerry. Boy you sure have some interesting friends, dontcha! LOL!
I admire you for caring so much for the people in your life. That's a good thing.
But you are correct -- some women will go after that "dream" no matter the cost. Just isn't worth it for me.
--
Deli
you know i did that same thing with my friend about her daughter having sex..i used you guys on the board..lol..i said you guys had asked a question bout what if a friend's daughter was having sex would you want the friend to tell and sure enough she gave her 2 cents and said NO..she said she would want the person to advise her daughter but keep the secret and maybe HINT to her (the mother) about it but not to tell..and that's what i did, i hinted like alllllllllllllll hell with that one..lol...so i thought maybe i would try it with this friend...after talking to my son's godfather i'm starting to get the feeling that she does know bout her husband but she's ignoring it or pretending it doesn't exist...idk y'all some women feel that in order to have the "dream life/family" you gotta suck it up and let the man do as he pleases so you can have the life you want...i'm not one of those women but they do exist i mean look at Kim Porter..she went back to Diddy and i'm sure she gave it alot of thought before she did, but to some the over all picture is worth the heart ache and cheating and lack of trust...smh..i need piece of mind first y'all...i would go nuts every time he left the house and i can't live like that...
--
"If you really, really want it
(If you really want it baby)
All you go to do is get up on it"
....Kut Klose....
(sorry this is long) They had the same conversation a couple of months ago on the view and Sherri actually said she wouldn't want to know, she said it's her business and it's between her and her man and she would rather find out on her own. You're right Kerri, some friends can turn on you when you're trying to help them. Sometimes the truth is so hard for them to handle they rather believe that you're after their man or you're jealous than to believe he's actually cheating. If you don't tell her and the truth comes out and she finds out you knew, you look like the bad guy. If you do tell her, you risk her turning on you and/or you looking like an idiot and the bad guy if she takes him back.
Whether you wait or not if she's the weak minded type then she's going to believe him regardless. In a situation like this you have to really know your friend's personality to determine how to approach the situation. I agree you should tell her but give him a chance to tell her first. I think it would be better coming from him. This is what I would do.......
I would let her help me determine how I should tell her...I know you're probably thinking HUH! but yes! In certain situations like this when I don't know what to do I ask the source themselves but, I do it in a slick way. For example I would bring the subject up in random conversation by talking about the view. I would bring up Sherri Shepherd's feelings on the topic, discuss the different reactions some women may have in a situation like that, blah, blah, blah, put my two cents in and I could almost guarantee she would volunteer hers. If she says she wouldn't want to know, obviously I wouldn't tell her. Now if she says something like 'I'd be so pissed if I had a friend and she knew my man was doing dirt and didn't tell me" I would tell her. However, I would try my best to get him to tell her...... even if it meant resorting to playing dirty. I would call him and make sure I had a nice audio recording of him and I discussing his cheating. After collecting my evidence I would tell him if he doesn't confess I will tell her and to not bother trying to be slick because I have his ass on tape!...lol
I know..... a little crazy but, whatever you choose to do good luck!
I agree completely with Delilah's post!
Ur welcome, I know mines a little militant but hey, tough love eh!
--
If U dont Work, U dont Eat. If U Dont Grind, U dont Shine! Sky's the Limit
Listenin' to "Cant Help But Wait" Trey Songz
thanks for the advise you guys...
--
"If you really, really want it
(If you really want it baby)
All you go to do is get up on it"
....Kut Klose....
i would tell her in a calm but honest manner
sometimes women tend to take it the wrong way
or dont believe you when you tell them something
that arent aware of or when they are in deep denial about the relationship
i hope her husband tells her the truth b/c she already is aching over losing their baby
she doesnt need another heartache
i guess it all depends on how close you really are with her
but i would tell her
not only is he sleeping around but he has another woman pregnant
now that's just adding insult to injury and he shouldnt get away with that
Kerri, you DEFINATELY have to tell her, everything, about the pregnant lady and how he cried begging you not to tell. You have to. She may hate you for it but its for her own good. She had a miscarriage just 3 weeks ago and the bastard has the nerve to walk around with another pregnant woman. He probably doesnt even mind that he lost one baby seeing that there's another on the way. No woman deserves to go thru this deceit.
Mind you when this blows in the future, cos it will, it will also come to light that you knew about it. She may hate you now for breaking up her marriage or whatever they have, but she hate u even more knowing that you have allowed her fool herself all the way along, plus the husband will carry on messing about knowing that you wont tell on him.
I say TELL her!!!!!!
--
If U dont Work, U dont Eat. If U Dont Grind, U dont Shine! Sky's the Limit
Listenin' to "Cant Help But Wait" Trey Songz
Depends on how close a friend you are, and if you have the kind of friendship that honors this type of honesty. I agree that the wife should know, and that the disease issue is key. Do you know anyone in her family? I mean, after a miscarriage this news could tip her over the deep end. It needs to be handled very cautiously and carefully. She will need the support of her friends and family whenever/however she gets the news, but if it comes from you think about not only what the news is, but what comes afterwards.
--
Deli
I would tell her..its a shame that the wife is always the last to know..she may be upset at first but I'm sure she'll thank you for it in the end..but keep in mind that if you wait too long to tell her then its no telling what his punk a$$ will have planted in her head by then..
some women can take the truth and some hate you for it...what gave me pause was her miscarriage not his punk behind, i could care less bout him..i don't wanna hurt her more by laying this on her lap ..but if it was me i'd wanna know but again not all women feel that way...
--
"If you really, really want it
(If you really want it baby)
All you go to do is get up on it"
....Kut Klose....
i would tell her because she is your friend... not him. and clearly hes having unprotected sex with AT LEAST those two. that can bring disease. thats just my opinion. what would you want if that was you?
--
Samantha, Sammy, Sam, lilsam...its up to you