i wrote several blogs and s*** on here and now they are deleted why

I've been sitting here for days just trynna come up with different solutions to my life and why things take the turn they do, I sit and wonder why its soooo damn hard for me to be happy again....I am such a loving and caring person, never steer anyone the wrong way far from phoney and loves to just spend time at home lay back and do me, not all into that night scene in knowing sometimes its fun its not alway for me...I am hurting in da inside and dont know why, guess because after having my son and going through all the ups and downs with the donor of my child and after all that now being over and done with I am now wanting to just be in a real relationship again I want to have that friendship that love that bound between two that cant be broken.....here I am getting ready to be 22 and my life has been through so much its nuts, I joined this web-site because I see da care in marios eyes when it comes to him and his mother and he is a talented person and im like why cant i meet a loving and caring man like him or something....idk s*** crazy life is crazy i just wish things would get better for me................................

As the morning hits and the sun shines in my face
I begin to think O GOD here we go another depressing day
You see thats all I felt and all I use to say
Despite the good that a day could bring my way
My tears fall as I raise from my sheets
Trying my hardest not to let this stress beat
Me up as a person me as a friend me as that women that others depend
So much done happend in my life
Can you actually believe I became someones wife
I depended on this man gave him my life
But at the drop of the dime there went our life
My feet touch the wood floors of my home
As the radio plays a old sad Usher song
As I look out my window I know it wont be long
For me to step up and become strong
Ive fallen so hard in my past
Never knew how truly long this s*** would last
Glad its finally over dried up , burnt out like grass on a lawn
Now its time for me to just move on
But how do you begin to start when your life has been so sad
There was a time where I felt like I was someones trash
As I walk to my mirror I take a good look at myself
Trynna figure out after all these years how I dealt
With the pain the suffering the black eyes and the bruises
Never thought it would be me walking in those shoes
But life takes turns and that one turn I never knew
As I slip into my cloths I take a look at my waiste
The nice slash mark left glad it wasnt my face
I put my shoes on and begin to smile
I got one thing to look foward to and to be fairly proud
My beautiful baby boy lays still sleep in his bed
I walk towards him and give him a nice kiss on his head